Very depressing day

I for some reason was already depressed today about self esteem issues etc. and then I got news about a close friend of the family. He has stage four cancer basically all through his body and was told he will have 3-6 months to live depending on if he decides to have chemo. I couldnt believe it. I had dreams about this being his last thanksgiving or christmas not sure which one but i know there was a feast going on, anyway I had dreams about this but ignored them thinking I was just so worried i caused myself to have horrible dreams. This is crushing news which has made this a day from hell. I wanted him to be there for my graduation I wanted him to see I could and did do it! I lost my grandmother before my high school graduation which caused me to go to my lowest low and drop out of school and now him. WHY? sorry I am all teary eyes right now and can not type about this any more I just wanted to put that out there and the fact that when I got this news I seriously messed up with points REAL BAD! and I dont even care :( Please who ever is reading this I know you may want to say kind words that will "make me feel better"but if you write celebrate the life they have not how long they have left or something along those lines it will in deed just piss me off I hate to be cold and I appreciate the king gesture but Im selfish I guess that doesnt make me feel any better. Im gonna go now and leave it at that like I said sorry to be a cold hearted bitch but just wanted to save you your time. good night all im on my way to another glass of wine and a long path ahead of me of sorrow.